It’s not hard to recognise certain actions as violence – when we are hit or pushed around, we know we are being abused. But what if we’re not sure that what we’re experiencing is violence?
Some forms of violence are normalised, romanticised, or not talked about much and, therefore, are harder to recognise.
The following examples and questions can help you to assess your own experiences. However, if uncertainty remains, it is always best to rely on your intuition. When the actions or words of another student or adult hurt you, make you feel uncomfortable or frighten you – it is a sign that you should not be treated in this way.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Domestic violence against children is any intentional act of a family member, relative, or person living with them that causes physical, psychological, sexual or material harm to the child. There are four types of domestic violence against children:
- Physical violence is the intentional infliction or threat of physical pain on a child. Physical violence includes hitting with hands and objects, pushing, shoving, pulling by the hair, pushing a child to the ground, kicking, burning, biting, torture with hard labour, and the use of corporal punishment in the aforementioned ways.
- Sexual violence is the exploitation of a person under the age of 16 for one’s own or another person’s sexual needs. Sexual violence includes showing sexually explicit texts, pictures or films, involving a child in pornography or prostitution, forcing a child to look at adult’s genitals or to show his or her own genitals, having vaginal, anal or oral intercourse with a child, inserting objects into the genitals, or engaging in sexualised touching (such as kissing, fondling, groping, etc.) and forcing a child to perform these acts.
- Psychological violence is the deliberate and prolonged worsening of a child’s emotional state: bullying, shouting, belittling the child’s achievements, wishes, interests, ignoring them, threatening to use physical violence, restricting social activities (e.g., banning the child from attending events, socialising with friends, or joining clubs), other forms of controlling behaviour, and inconsistent parenting.
- Neglect is the failure to meet a child’s basic physical, emotional, and social needs. Neglect can include not taking care of the child’s diet and abnormal weight, hygiene, treatment of chronic illnesses, dental issues, allowing the use of alcohol, tobacco, or drugs, not paying enough attention to the child’s emotional well-being and limiting the child’s educational opportunities, for example by not allowing the child to attend school.
Children that grow up in homes where violence is perpetrated against any member of the family are also treated as victims of domestic violence, even if they have not experienced it directly.
Try answering the questions below. The more “YES” answers, the more likely it is that you are experiencing domestic violence and should seek help.
- Are you being hit, pushed, choked, kicked, bitten, or otherwise physically harmed at home?
- Do adults around you threaten to use physical punishment if you do not obey orders?
- Are you called obscene or other derogatory names at home?
- Do you usually feel unsafe at home with family members?
- Are you afraid to go home?
- Do you lack toiletries, necessary clothing, or school supplies?
- Is one of your parents or guardians violent towards others at home (hitting or otherwise physically harming them, yelling, calling them names, restricting their access to transportation, not allowing them to communicate with certain people)?
- Does an adult in your immediate environment force you to perform or watch acts of a sexual nature?
VIOLENCE IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
Violence in romantic relationships is common among teenagers because they are still learning how to express their emotions and communicate their needs in a healthy way. It is also possible that the perpetrator, having started a romantic relationship himself, has brought the behaviour he sees or experiences in his close environment into the relationship.
Recognising and accepting your partner’s violence is much more difficult than, for example, peer bullying, as this person is much closer to you and has become a large and important part of your life. To help you distinguish between unhealthy and healthy relationships, you could try answering a series of questions and think about whether you would find the same behaviour acceptable in another couple. The more times you answer ‘YES,’ the higher the likelihood that you are in a harmful relationship and experiencing violence.
Does the person that you are in a romantic relationship with:
- call you names or humiliate you?
- constantly belittle your feelings and experiences, especially in relation to their harmful behaviour?
- deny their actions?
- check your phone and/or computer?
- tell you who you should or should not talk to?
- tell you where and what you should be doing?
- tell you how to dress?
- beat you or otherwise physically harm you?
- force you to make love or engage in other sexual activities?
- try to inflict fear by means of looks, words or actions?
- damage your personal belongings?
- threaten to spread rumours about you to classmates or other people if you do not do what they tell you to?
- spread rumours about you?
- threaten to hurt you or themselves if you do not do what they say?
